If I Stay

I'm I guy who grew up with five sisters so believe me, I've seen my fair share of Chick Flicks. There are some that I can say that I genuinely enjoy and some that honestly hate. I like love stories that feel real. It's one of the reasons I liked The Fault In Our Stars (except for the constant gosh darn metaphors) If I Stay looked a little far out there but also looked like it could be sweet enough to swallow...


Mia Hall is something of an anomaly in her family. Even though she's the daughter of rocker parents and has a rocker brother and a rocker boyfriend, Mia leans toward more classical music. Not like classic rock but like, Beethoven and stuff... She's actually good enough to be invited to audition with her cello for Julliard. Everything seems to be perfect for Mia...until one fateful day in a tragic car accident when Mia's whole family is killed and she is left in a coma. In a coma though she has a ghost like, out of body experience where she can walk around and hear other people etc. Whether or not she goes (to where it's never really clear) or stays with her boyfriend minus family it's apparently all up to her.

I love Chloe Grace Moretz and I already established a certain appreciation for Chick Flicks. Unfortunately nothing could redeem this stinker of a movie. Great actors but a terrible, shlocky story. It has moments where it almost transcends it's sappy, starry-eyed, sob fest but it quickly resigns itself to mediocre cliches. I actually wanted to like this movie but when the credits rolled all I managed was a eye roll.    D

When The Game Stands Tall

The longest wining streak in sports is not held by a professional team. It's held by a Catholic High School in Concord, California. It stands at a momentous 151 wins in a row. A movie could be made about that streak. About the strategy Coach Bob Ladouceur used and how he Coached his team to win for over ten years straight. But When the Game Stands Tall is not that movie. It focuses on when the streak ended. When the Coach and all his student were deeply challenged and how they learned from the defeat and pain of life and football.

I kind of already said the synopsis but for the sake of consistency: After 151 wins, over ten years worth, the varsity football team of De La Salle High School has lost. It comes shortly after their coach suffered a heart attack and one of their teammates was tragically killed in a shooting. Life and football are full of hard hits and in both its what you do after the hit that matters.

Just to cut to the chase: This is a great family movie. It's a true story, it's inspirational. Even if some moments are cliche one big moment comes at the end that is a genuine surprise. Alexander Ludwig and Micheal Chiklis almost steal the movie from the quiet performance of Jim Caviezel. It is like Facing the Giants....except better. A-

The Expendables 3

Can you ever have enough of a good thing? I love ice cream. I don't think I could ever get enough ice cream. But there comes a point when you stop...some people call this brain freeze, I usually call it a brief respite. I also love the Expendables. I loved both the previous entries. Who doesn't love your favorite geriatric action heroes of yesteryear (and a few you didn't know existed) coming back for one (or two or three) more grand display of fire power, fighting skills, and witty quips in what I believe is supposed to be English? Well....



It's just another day for Barney Ross and his team of equally ridiculously named expendables: (Lee Christmas, Hale Caesar, Toll Road, and Gunnar Jensen) Rescue an old compatriot from prison (name of Doctor Death) then jet off to Somalia to intercept a shipment of weapons. They didn't count on Conrad Stonebanks though... an old frenemy that Barney thought was long dead. (with a name like that though how could you think that?) So after.... look does it matter really? Guns get fired and stuff blows up! It's the Expendables not Citizen Kane! No one came for the story!

(inhale, exhale)

No that wasn't another characters name BTW. How do you judge a movie like this? If you watched the first two Expendables is there really any doubt that you'll see this? If you didn't nothing is going to change. These movie are basically interchangeable and you'll still get the same basic awesomeness. The story lacks of course and unfortunately they toned down the campy violence to a PG-13 level and a new batch of expendables halfway through the movie was a terrible idea. But Mel Gibson hams it up magnificently as the villain, Antonio Banderas goes for big laughs and gets them (essentially stealing the whole movie), and Sly sill struggles with words with compound syllables. I do think that this third installment is the brainfreeze point though and while I usually just take a breather, it feels a little old and may be time to retire. (sorry Stallone, age jokes had to happen)  B-

The Giver

Before Divergent. Before The Hunger Games. There was The Giver. A book released in 1993 finally makes its way onto the big screen largely due to Jeff Bridges dedication to the project. But in a world full of Utopian-but-not-really young adult stories, Is there really anything left to....give?



                                                   
Jonas lives in a perfect world. There is no sickness, no racism, no anger or murder. No corruption, lying, or hate. Everyone has a place and purpose. But everything has a price. If you could live in such a world what would you give up? Color? Love? Free Will? Now on the day of his job assignment Jonas is given (heh) the ability to see everything they've lost...and gained. Can he accept the status quo or will he change things forever?


I have to admit that I have never read the Giver. But I will say I feel the need to. There are genuinely compelling questions asked in the Giver and some stunning shots. There where parts that effectively displayed what makes us human. All of our faults and all of our short comings are on display as are our profound capacity to feel and create and love. But... I feel that while asking questions and displaying humanity are all well and good, the payoff is lacking. The last 20 minutes seem rushed. All the pain that Jonas is warned he will experience felt glossed over. So while the Giver does show some
quality entertainment, it could have given so much more. B

Let's Be Cops

I was just saying to my friend the other day who was asking me about what's in theaters right now that the one the that has been lacking since May-June is a good comedy. I said that Let's Be Cops is coming out soon and has a promising premise so hopefully it would turn the comedy drought around. My grandma always said hope in one hand and poop in the other and see which hand would fill up first.



Ryan and Justin are no where in life. Both struggle in there careers or don't have one at all. Both are close to calling it quits in L.A. and moving back to Ohio. But they change their minds when they both attend a costume party as cops and discover after they leave that their costumes are actually pretty convincing and everyone believes that they actually are police officers. So they come to the brilliant decision to keep up the charade...and be cops.

To be honest what my grandma said is actually funnier than any joke you will find during this movies 104 minute running time. The premise had promise the execution is terrible. The jokes are stale, the characters annoying, and the whole thing just lacking. I spent ten bucks for a comedy and I got Let's Be Cops....and that should be a crime. F

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

It's one of the most beloved stories about four underage, mutated, athletic, reptilians. We love them, they love pizza, and Hollywood loves ruining their movies. Maybe it's a new day though... maybe in 2014 we get the movie we want. Maybe Michael Bay should've kept hands of dude. (I actually don't blame him for this movies faults but who passes up a chance to take pot shots at Michael Bay?)



A new threat faces New York City. The vicious Foot Clan led by the vicious Shredder is pretty much taking over the whole place. Being villainous and stuff...naming children Shredder, things like that. April O'Neal is trying to report on their nefarious activities but people seem happier seeing her bounce on trampolines. Then her big break comes in the form of four hero's who are...screw it, if you read the title do you really need this description???

I love the Dark Knight trilogy. It was the first superhero series that I (and I think anyone honestly) took seriously. It was dark, gritty, and had real world implications. It has affected how movies are made. It's affects can be seen in almost every superhero movie since. Unfortunately it also affected the beloved TMNT. Can a movie about six foot, talking, pizza loving, teenage, mutant, ninja, turtles take itself seriously? Apparently this one tried and the result is devastating. Sometimes it does feel like it tries to have fun and in those moments in shines but otherwise it's dark and gritty. It isn't terrible but it's not necessarily good either. But at the end my nephew said, "Wow that was awesome! I want to see it again!" I guess for that this movie gets a few extra points.  C+

Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvel has been getting better and better. In my opinion their only major blunders were the Hulk and Iron Man 2. Now they make their biggest bet yet and risk it all on a movie starring characters no one (except the nerdiest of nerds) really knows. Everything about this movie is different, but that doesn't mean it's bad.



Peter Quill was just another kid in the 1980s. Until he is abducted by aliens and set on an adventure of a lifetime. 26 years later Peter Quill, now calling himself Star-Lord, is a smart mouth, thief, and opportunist. In a collision of paths revolving around his latest theft he is sent to prison with Gamora, Rocket, Groot, and Drax. They all have their own motivations. They all kinda hate each other. But to save the galaxy, they all have to work together.


No building suspense: IT'S FREAKING AWESOME!!! Sure it's not without a few problems but when one is laughing as often as I did, while watching eye popping special effects, and listening to awesome classic hits like Hooked on a Feeling, The Pina Colada Song, and Ain't No Mountain High Enough...No problem is big enough to be a real problem. Two such problems are: Not enough Thanos and Not enough of The Collector. I maintain that Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the best movie of the year so far, but Guardians is by far the most fun. If you go (And why would you not?) I encourage you to check out 3D because it's worth it.  A

P.S. I have to say Guardians also can boast about having the greatest post credits scene-EVER. And that's all I can say about that...it's freakin awesome.