The Wolverine

If you're anything like me, when you saw the title for the sixth installment of the XMEN series was The Wolverine, a brief nightmare of X-Men Origins flitted through your mind. Thankfully, Hollywood heard fans groaning, and answered them with The Wolverine everyone wanted to see the first time.

Wolverine picks up after the events of Last Stand in the tundra of Canada where Logan is haunted by the killing of Jean Grey and coincidentally an incident that Logan experienced years before at the bombing of Nagasaki. Coincidentally because when he goes to town in search of some hunters who illegally poisoned a grizzly he meets up with Yukio, a woman who informs him the man he saved all those years ago at that bombing is dying and would like to say goodbye. Now if you've seen the trailers, you know this isn't all he wants: Like any good friend, he also wants to help Logan die.

After five movies, any series can start to feel a little stale or even worse to outlandish to be considered. Now I understand outlandish is kind of a relative term when it comes to mutant superheros but with one title you'll understand what I mean: Spider-Man 3. Filmmakers reach too far for originality and make the concept hokey and pathetic. So when they basically tried a new spin on the Wolverine it could have come off hokey, but believe me when I say there is nothing hokey about The Wolverine fighting NINJAS! Thats not sarcasm. It truely is amazing that they pulled off that fight without it ever feeling like it was trying too hard. This is a Wolverine that can be proud to stand in the XMen canon.

PS: The price of admission would be worth it if the only scene you see is the post credits scene, so STAY for it and be wowed.

RED 2

The best never rest. Everyone’s favorite Goldie Oldies (Bruce Willis, Hellen Mirren, John Malkovich, Brian Cox and newbie Anthony Hopkins) return for a second round of cars racin', bullets flyin', and....arthritis yet anyone?

Frank Moses is just trying to live a normal life with his girlfriend, Sarah Ross; grilling some hot dogs, shopping at Coscos, being blamed for the top secret Operation Nightshade.... wait, except that last part. Unfortunately for Frank, that last part is no joke. His old pal Marvin shows up to say thanks to a Wiki Leak, he and Frank have been named in conjunction with Nightshade. A lot of people and governments now want Frank, Marvin, and Sarah dead or the nuclear bomb that Nightshade was all about. Some want both. Down the comedic, spy thriller, globetrotting rabbit hole the pack goes, tracking clues to why Nightshade is so important and why everyone wants it...besides the apparent fact that its a nuclear bomb.

RED 2 is a ridiculous sequel to a ridiculous original. I loved the original and had high hopes for the follow up and potential franchise. Unfortunately RED 2 flounders where the first one flourished: humor. This sequel’s super serious (and surprisingly smart) spy thriller theme is a bad environment for really funny jokes. John Malkovich does not have nearly enough opportunities for conspiracy theories, government jokes, and outlandish schemes. Anthony Hopkins pretty much steals this show with his more-than-meets-the-eye-but-still-entirely-insane act. RED 2 isn't nearly the fun ride RED was, but it still has enough momentum to be an entertaining night at the movies.

The Conjuring O.o

First off, I'm not a huge fan of scary movies. I like some suspenseful, jump-and-gasp films but I'm extremely picky about them. I'm not a fan of exorcist and demon films at all. At first the Conjuring looked like another Paranormal Stupidity film. Then the raving reviews, some more trailers, and some comparisons to The Purge. So then I thought it would be cool to see. Lesson: don't believe everything you read.

 

In 1971 the Perron family decided to move out of the big city with their five daughters to a fix-it-up farm house in Rhode Island. They've tied up all their money in this bring the family together project and all have high hopes (except the one surely teenager) for their future. Then the dog dies. Then there are nasty smells. Then things really start going bump in the night. They do the thing any worried family would do: Call in certified demonologist and clairvoyant Ed and Lorraine Warren to get to the bottom of it all. The Warrens go about doing what they do: setting up temperature trigger cameras, sound recording equipment, and lots of crosses. The goal is to get a big enough demonic reaction to get the approval of the Catholic Church for a certified exorcism. Unfortunately they may have to deal with it themselves when they do the one thing anybody will tell you never to do: make a demon mad.

Honestly this is easily the scariest movie I've ever seen. Not because of terrifying make up  (though that helps), the don’t-walk-down-that-dark-hallway moments, or the horrific violence, but above all that, one of the scariest things about this film is the sheer realism of it all. This is a story based on real events, granted filtered through Hollywood’s fictionism filter but the truth of the terror is tangible. The family that is teased, tortured, and eventually possessed was real. Ed Warren was a real demonologist. Lorraine was really a clairvoyant. As a quote at the end of the film by the real Ed Warren reads: "Diabolical forces are formidable. These forces are eternal, and they exist today. The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow.”
The realness of it all hit me when one demon popped up on screen and the lights in the theater flickered. Everyone screamed but then shrugged it off as electrical, but one never knows. Early in the film, at the first demonic interaction, some people got up, walked out and didn't come back. Unfortunately I wasn't one of them. Easily the thing that disturbed me most was actually when the credits rolled and the lights came up: I looked around the theater to see at least four kids younger than 10 sitting with their families. The fact that some parents think that this movie would be ok to show their children is a scary thought indeed.

R.I.P.D. .....Dead On Arrival

The trailer for R.I.P.D. made it look like a version of Men In Black with Jeff Bridges. That actually stirred my interest a little bit. Unfortunately this movie barley ever exceeds that expectation.

 

RIPD picks up right before Nick Walker is killed in a police raid. He finds himself postponing judgment by joining the Rest In Peace Department. He is quickly partnered with a veteran sheriff from the 1800s Roy Pulsipher. The R.I.P.D. is an organization of the "best police officers who ever lived and died" tasked with seeking out the Deados who are the evil souls that escape judgment and hide out among the living.

It's a pretty cool concept. It's also disappointing that it quickly dissolves into repulsive creature jokes, unoriginal plot lines, and a completely predictable sci-fi/buddy cop/save the world laugh less fest. The biggest disappointment was the humor: jokes we've all heard before, missed opportunities for a good punch line, and absurd antics. Ryan Reynolds tries too hard and achieves complete forgetablility. Jeff Bridges spoofs his own character from True Grit and barley moves past being just plain annoying. The one small bright spot in this fiasco is Kevin Bacon as the twisted villain.

At the end of RIPD I remembered I had seen this before: Not as Men in Black, but in the trailers for RIPD. If you've seen these trailers, you've seen pretty much all the main plot points, any jokes worthy of a chuckle and probably the best version of this almost two hour misfire.

Pacific Rim

When I first saw the trailer for Pacific Rim back in January or February I laughed at it as a mix up of "Real Steel and Godzilla." I never planned to be excited by it or even see it, but as the months wore by and more trailers were released and I saw Charlie Hunnam in the lead, my interest grew. When I saw initial reviews and box office predictions I knew I had to see it. Now I find my first prediction was correct: Real Steel and Godzilla. Except that's not such a bad thing.

The film starts off with a fissure opening between two tectonic plates in the Pacific Ocean that is a portal between worlds. Ours and one apparently populated by giant, dinosaur/Godzilla beasts (called Kaiju) who love destroying cities because the first thing they do is start taking out buildings. Human tanks, planes, and soldiers can't get the job done so the world bands together to build super huge robots to battle the beasts. But the robots (Jaegers) cant be controlled by just one person but have to be controlled by two people who are neurally linked. That means they share minds, memories, and feelings. At first this plan works and the Jaegers start kicking some Kaiju butt, except then after a few years the Kaiju evolves to deal with the Jaegers and humanity faces its greatest challenge....again.

I'm not a huge fan of Guillermo del Toro....or robot movies....or monster movies (exception: any Spielberg monster movie) so I figured that Pacific Rim had already struck out but 20 minutes in I was 100% hooked. The fight sequences alone would redeem this movie with Jaegers and Kaiju beating the living daylights out of each other, but then you have completely likable characters with compelling arcs. Now some people will say the story arcs are completely predictable but I don't care. Let yourself be taken away with the story and just love Pacific Rim for what it is: the best darn monster movie in decades.

Despicable Me 2

Gru is back! The first time around he and his yellow minions had the nefarious scheme to steal the moon but where sabotaged by three girls that showed the not so despicable side of Gru. This time around domesticated Gru is hired by the Anti Villain League to find out who stole a top secret lab. Yes, Gru is back, but is he better than ever?

Despicable Me 2 starts off with a pretty grand theft. Not Great Pyramids grand but still pretty sweet. A top secret lab in the arctic circle that is conducting these behavior modification experiments until a huge magnet ship swoops in and lifts the whole thing away, which of course captures the attention of the Anti Villain League. Now weeks later and hardly a clue later, they decide to bring in an ex-villain who's an expert thief to help them out. This is where we pick up with our favorite despicable Gru who is in something of a pickle. Not a breaking into a heavily fortified house pickle, more like the fairy princess cant show up on his youngest girls birthday pickle. What's a fellow to do? Jump into a dress and be a fairy of course! Pretty soon Gru is thrown back into business, not his new jelly and jam business but the business of catching a villain...if only his oldest daughter stopped being so interested in boys.

Unfortunately almost everything that made Despicable Me so compelling and original in the first place is missing in this not so Despicable sequel. Where Gru was at his funniest in his villainy he is now domesticated and doting. The strongest part of the whole movie is when Gru becomes despondent and walks through the park sabotaging Frisbee games and yoga classes or when he freezes a boy who is interested in his oldest girl. Thank goodness for the comic relief of the minions who steal the movie in hilarity. So is Despicable Me 2 as good as its predecessor? Absolutely not. Will your kids care? Absolutely not. Will you still get a few laughs and giggles yourself? Sure.

The Lone Ranger and the critics NAM syndrome

Hi-yo Silver, Tonto, Kemosahbee, and the stirring William Tell Overture are almost as much  a part of Americana as the old west itself. But what happens when the team (Gore Verbinski, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Johnny Depp) that brought you the Pirates of the Caribbean try to reinvent this American icon for the modern age? A lot. 

 

I perhaps am one of the only 19 year olds who actually grew up watching the original TV show and now own quite a few episodes on DVD so going in as an original fan I had an idea that it would be nothing like the show but perhaps still fun. Don't get me wrong, there are glaring differences between the original and this rip roaring, mega expensive flick but perhaps more shocking are the similarities. A few shots looked ripped right out of the original and colored in.

 

The film starts surprisingly in San Fransisco in 1933 at a fair. A young boy dressed as the iconic hero wanders the grounds taking in the sites and eventually walks into the old west show. After viewing the buffalo and grizzly bear he approaches what appears to be a mannequin in The Nobel Savage exhibit but it turns out to be the elderly Tonto in what looks to be his last job. Tonto of course, begins to recount the glorious days of old when a pacifist lawyer came west to spread lawfulness by spouting John Locke... Wait what? Yes the hero had a less than heroic beginning but thankfully the story travels quickly into the stuff of legend with Tonto and the ex-lawyer John Reid riding side by side, stopping outlaws, racing trains, snarkly insulting each other, and rescuing damsels in distress. The filmmakers brilliantly tease the William Tell Overture at the beginning of the film and then make you wait a full two hours before hearing the heroic cords in their full glory.

 

FYI for families: If you're thinking to take your young child or grandchild to relive the glory of your own childhood, you may want to know about the cannibalism, scalping, and frantic gun play.

 

Now this brings me to my final note: the critics. The critics of Entertainment Weekly, New York Times and pretty much anywhere else have cooked this movies goose. Lambasting it for its unreal action, over long story, and Jack Sparrowing the old west. Don't listen to them. Modern day critics are suffering from what I like to call NAM syndrome. As in: Not Awards Movie. No the Lone Ranger will never win an award (except most expensive western perhaps). It doesn't have craggy faced Daniel Day-Lewis in it nor is it masterfully directed by Ben Affleck. But it is something that few movies are anymore: fun. You enjoy the banter between Tonto and The Lone Ranger, you guiltily love the insane action sequences, and you let yourself be taken back to a time when heroes were looked at as larger than life. The critics have forgotten how to enjoy a movie for its escapism, but I guarantee that seeing the original masked man ride his noble steed silver along the roof tops of the speeding train to the grand Overture will make you want to stand and cheer. And whats so wrong with that?